Stress

The Sublime Nature of Grief

/ Damean Mathews, Author / 1 Comment

Since the loss of my grandmother my life has been full of a lot of conflicting emotions. I’ve dealt with the loss as best I can, trying hard to honor her memory and move forward. One thing that is always painfully obvious when we lose someone close to us is that everyone deals with loss in their own way. What works for one person may not work for another, and one loss may not affect us the same as another. No matter how you handle the situation, sooner or later you will come to a time when you have to not only face the loss, but yourself.

This week I took some time on a particularly hard day and tried to do that. In an attempt to connect with myself, God, nature, and my grandmother I went to a local dam and nature area for some peace and quiet. If you’re unfamiliar with the summer season in the Appalachian mountains, we often have very hot days in the month of August. A number of summer afternoons often see some good thunderstorms or at least a nice passing shower or two. This, of course, can lead to amazingly beautiful foggy conditions. So much so that there is an old wives’ tale my grandmother used to remind me of often; if you count the foggy mornings in August that’s the amount of big snow events you’ll have that winter.

One of my favorite things in life is to find myself in the midst of a heavy fog, pondering the sublime mystery of the shrouded world around me. Is anyone else in the fog? Am I completely and utterly alone? What do the shadowy figures in the thick cloud represent? The feeling of floating in a cloud, the world around me oblivious of my own ideas and presence is marvelous. One of the best moments of my life has been in conditions like this. To say it has a special place in my heart and soul is a definite understatement.

When I arrived at my destination that evening, I had no idea the fantastic occurrence that awaited me. As soon as I rounded a curve in the road and my eyes fell on the river I was greeted with an amazingly thick, ghostly fog floating about a foot above the water. It snaked across the surface of the river like a living, breathing cloud. It rolled and swirled with the breeze, twisting like the spirit of the river itself. After a quick visit to top of the dam, I returned to the riverside and crossed a bridge to an island in the river, an island surrounded by fog.

I found a bench in the midst of this beauty and sat by the riverside, letting the sublime consume me. I communed with nature, God, my grandmother, and myself. I spent probably just under an hour there by the riverside, fog rising and rolling around me, taking photos and trying to find relief from my own strained internal presence. By the time I was ready to leave the fog had risen higher and was rolling over the top of the bridge that was my pathway.

Crossing this bridge, I was able to stand in the middle of the fog and feel the cool moisture settle on my skin. I breathed in the earthy mist and watched the world around me become veiled and reemerge anew over and over as the cloud rolled by. A sense of peace settled on me as this happened, bringing me some relief and allowing me to just enjoy the cool evening. It was a superb experience, and one that I won’t soon forget.

Before the loss of my grandmother, it had been years since I lost someone close to me. I haven’t dealt with loss in a way that other people do, depression and stress affecting me in a serious way. Because of this I feel like being able to express those issues and have experiences like I had this week are very important. If it has taught me anything it is that we all must find what works for us. Avoiding the mourning process and not allowing ourselves to grieve the way we need to is not helpful. It isn’t healthy. One thing that we have to admit and be aware of is that we may sometimes need more time than others to get over a loss. We may need time alone, or time with others, or even a mix. Whatever it is that you need in order to cope, you have to figure it out.

Embrace yourself, the world around you, and whatever helps make you more you. The things that bring you back to feeling like yourself are the things you need to cope with the loss. Don’t allow anyone, especially yourself, keep you from that healing magic. It can truly be life-changing. Honestly, it can be the difference between your own life and death.

Reach out to someone. Never be ashamed of your feelings, your hardships, your needs. Find the relief you need and make sure you are getting enough of whatever it is to help you return to the you you want to be. Accept yourself, accept your loss, but don’t let the grief and mourning consume you. Life can go on, if you find out how to let it. Happiness can return. Even if it’s just one step at a time.

Although I will never truly be over the loss of my grandmother, I now have an idea of what I can do to help me cope when things get tough. I will do what I can to make sure I am allowing myself the proper time and space to be able to let myself, and my grandmother’s memory, continue on.

If you are mourning, grieving, or otherwise in any emotional need, reach out to someone. I’d be more than happy to listen to anything you need. Find your method and make sure you’re returning your soul to its necessary health.

The Avoidance of Inspiration-killing Stress

/ Damean Mathews, Author / 2 Comments

Authors can seriously be crippled by the lack of a proper atmosphere. This is a huge helpful tip for anyone who hasn’t figured out the full deal for themselves, and a great pointer for someone currently trying to figure out how best to do their work.

Step #1; Find your happy place. Overlook the cliché of that statement, it holds vast truth and importance. You have to find where the you write best. It may be somewhere quiet, it may be somewhere loud, it may not even be the same place all of the time, but you have to use it when you find it. While the place may take some time to find, you’ll definitely know it when you do. It will be the place your writing comes most naturally and easily, and where the flow of your words is best. The atmosphere must be perfect to get optimum work, for a lot of people anyway. Granted that, as much as anything else, can vary from person to person, it is something that absolutely must be paid attention to. Your work area is your happy place, your safe place, your haven, and it must fit your standards to the finest points. Whether you like it quiet or loud, bright or dim, crowded or completely empty, it must be the place that most helps you do what you do best.

Step #2; You must find your time also. Most people can write at nearly anytime, but there will be a certain time of day (not necessarily an hour or minute per se, but more a generalization like morning, dawn, dusk, afternoon, evening, night) that they find their work absolutely at the top of its game. This must be taken advantage of. That is the best way to deal with your day, and can even be a great stress reliever in itself. Just finding what time works best for you gives you an idea of how you can literally schedule your entire day around your writing and get top quality work without having to edit as much (which always helps in the end).

Step 3; Utilize every second of your time. Setting up a schedule will definitely help this, especially if you have taken the time to follow the first two steps. Going to your ‘happy place’ at the time that you have found to be your best work period is going to make you feel you have become increasingly accomplished in the craft, and help to complete your project as quickly as possible.

These steps are probably fairly generic to most people, but they can still be very helpful to new authors, and we can all admit that it never hurts to be reminded of such things. Life can cut its way in on us and ruin our mood and inspiration. Stress has killed more books throughout history than book burning protesters have, most likely, and we have to do all that we can to fight it at every turn. These steps will help most authors on their way to success (or at least completion of projects), and I really would like to hear what you all think about them. If they have helped, let me know. And if they haven’t let me know also, and hopefully you’ll share why they have or haven’t. And if you have any more tips definitely leave them in the comments, and of course you will get all of the credit. I look forward to hearing from everyone.

-Damean

Killer stress

/ Damean Mathews, Author / Leave a comment

There are many things in life that can have negative effects on us. These things can range from the personal to the professional, and they can seriously damage our work if we aren’t careful. This post is about caution, as the one yesterday was, but in a different fashion. We, as authors, have to constantly be on the lookout for things that are going to kill our work. Personally I find the higher the stress level, the harder it is to write these days. Which, sadly is the exact opposite of what used to happen. When I first began writing it was the writing itself that helped lower my stress level, but now it seems that stress hinders me more than anything else. That is a very disappointing situation to a fifth year English major; stress is an essence of life, and if the one thing I was put on this earth to do is hindered by the one thing I have to do in order to be taken seriously  in that task then I am in a very tight spot. That’s a destiny that awaits all writers at some point in their lives; running into a spot that hinders all writing and makes your inspiration sporadic and trite. But there is always a way out, and this post is more relative to past posts in that it refers more to my post about inspiration. Because this post is a reference post it will be relatively short. The reason for this is because I am personally just getting over my own bout of writer’s block due to stress and am reaping the benefits of my return to my own creation. Maverip 2 is currently going very well, and I’m still looking for a publication deal for part 1 so you can all see the work I’ve done instead of having to just listen to me ramble about it. Tomorrow, I may post a bit of my work so you all can get an example of what I’ve done so it will sound less like I’m just sitting here blowing smoke in your faces. For now, enjoy whatever inspiration you are getting and write your hearts out like I’m trying to do. Thanks for sticking with me, and feel free to contact me with any comments, concerns, questions or feedback you have.